


All Time Low

by perfect_plan



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bad Relationship, Depression, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mention of Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-21
Updated: 2015-01-21
Packaged: 2018-03-08 12:03:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3208466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perfect_plan/pseuds/perfect_plan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Steve's boyfriend cheats on him and leaves him in a bad way, he thinks things are finally looking up when he meets his best friend Clint's work colleague. But his ex seems determined to ruin things for Steve, whether he's in the picture or not...</p>
            </blockquote>





	All Time Low

**Author's Note:**

> Ech, I'm not sure how much I like this fic but I'm posting it anyway because if I didn't post the fics I'm not keen on, I wouldn't post anything. I usually have 2-3 fics in progress at any one time and this one got finished first. Hope you like it even if I don't all that much! :P

Steve clenched his fists so hard, he could feel his fingernails breaking the skin of his palms. "Get out," he said, his voice low and hurt.

Brock narrowed his eyes and huffed out an indignant breath. "Oh come on, Steve - "

"I said _get out_. Get the fuck out!"

"It was one guy one time," Brock said, as if that was supposed to make everything better.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Steve said, his voice rising. "How inconsiderate of me. That's fine; if it was just _one guy_ I can totally trust you to never cheat on me again. Get the fuck out, Brock!"

Brock sneered and started to gather anything that was his in Steve's bedroom - clothes, books, deodorant - and stuffed them aggressively into his duffel bag. "You know what, I could have just _not_ told you, but I thought I'd be _honest_ with you because I knew that's what _you_ would do if it were the other way around."

Steve's jaw clenched. "Well, I guess that's the difference between you and me because I would never cheat on you in the first place."

"God, you're a fucking drag, you know that? You're so self-righteous and stuck-up. Excuse me for making _one_ mistake."

Steve could see that Brock was getting angrier but he stood his ground; Brock cheating on him had hurt him even more than he had thought possible. Things hadn't been great between them for a little while, they had both known that, but Steve had been determined to set things straight and sort through their shit because they loved each other, right? He never thought for a second that Brock would go and fuck someone else.

"I trusted you," Steve said and hated his voice for wavering.

Brock's face softened and he walked over to Steve. "Please Steve, it was _one_ time. Don't kick me out." His brown eyes were pleading and full of remorse and Steve wanted more than anything to forgive him but he just couldn't.

"I just...you did it once, how can I be sure that you won't do it again? It's...it's over, Brock."

Just like that, Brock's face crumpled into rage and for a split-second Steve was scared. Brock was taller than him and he was all muscle but Steve had never been intimidated by him before now; the way he stepped right into Steve's face and used his size against him had fear rising in his throat, cold and sharp.

"Fine," Brock spat. "Why I ever decided to stay with a fucking ugly little twink like you is beyond me. At least the guy I fucked was a _real_ man."

He shouldered his way past Steve but not before registering the hurt that flashed across Steve's face with a spiteful smile. Brock knew how sensitive he was about the way he looked - he was short and skinny and had worked hard in the last couple of years to build up some degree of self-confidence, trying to neutralize the self-loathing that his on-going depression had built up in him. He never would have thought that someone as gorgeous as Brock would want him but they had hit it off after having met at a club nearly two years ago and things had been good. Really good. Brock had made Steve feel desirable and safe. Hell, he had made Steve feel _sexy_ ; he had never felt sexy before. But somewhere along the line, things had started to go wrong and they had stopped talking to each other about the things that mattered; where they were in their relationship, if they had a future. Brock had started to look at him in a different way; at first, Steve had ignored it, but then he noticed it more and more. He would catch glances and little smirks and it made him feel like nothing, like Brock was in on some joke at Steve's expense. But Steve being Steve had pushed it aside and ignored it, trying harder in their relationship and getting little back in return.

He walked through to the living room of his apartment where Brock was scattering DVDs and picking through them to find his own. "You know, you're lucky this lasted as long as it did. I could have slept with whoever I wanted but I felt sorry for you so I stayed; no-one wanted you until I came along."

Steve felt anger mixing with the hurt; why was he doing this? Making _him_ feel like shit when he was the one in the wrong? He had known that Brock had a nasty side but this was the first time he had seen it in full-force. "I'm sorry I wasted your time. I was in love with you; I had no idea that it was all just about pity."

Brock snorted and just resumed shoving whatever he could find into his bag. "At least now you won't die a virgin."

That pretty much broke Steve. He hadn't thought that Brock could sink so low. A small sob escaped his mouth before he could stop it, not wanting to give Brock the satisfaction of seeing just how hurt he was. Brock turned and looked at Steve, the smug smile dying on his face. He stopped packing and stared at the floor for a second before the sneer was back on his face and he got up to find his running shoes.

"So you never really loved me?" Steve asked, his voice barely audible. He thought of all the times that Brock had held him and told him how amazing he was, telling him that he couldn't believe how lucky he had been to meet someone like Steve. He remembered the time when Brock had grasped him tightly in the dark after they had made love one night, telling Steve how much he loved him, how no-one else had ever given him the chance to get close before because everyone thought he was an asshole but Steve saw the real him.

 _What a joke_ , Steve thought. _This was the_ real _Brock_.

Brock glanced over at him and was quiet for a moment. "No, I never loved you. That's why I fucked somebody else," he said finally.

Steve turned away and tears spilled down his cheeks. He wrapped his arms around himself. "Get out."

Brock slung his bag over his shoulder and headed for the front door. He left without saying another word.

***

Clint was the first to come over, a six-pack of beers in one hand and a bag of burritos in the other. He took one look at Steve's face and huffed out a deep sigh.

"Sorry, dude." He yanked Steve into a big hug, always surprised by the strength of the smaller man's grasp as he hugged back.

Steve pulled away and rubbed his forehead. He was all cried out, his eyes red and puffy and his head was pounding slightly. He was about to answer when there was another knock on the door. Peggy pretty much reacted the same way as Clint when she saw him.

"Oh Steve, I'm so sorry." She wrapped her arms around him and rubbed a hand up and down his back. "Are you alright?"

Steve let go and managed a small, humourless smile. "No."

They sat on the couch - Clint sat on the floor and opened three beers - and Steve slumped for a moment, staring at nothing. Peggy glanced at Clint, concerned. He shrugged and then poked Steve's foot.

"So what happened?" he asked.

"He slept with somebody else," Steve said, a fresh wave of hurt washing over him.

Peggy made an incensed noise. "That bloody prick, I _knew_ he was bad news." Her face softened slightly when she saw how awful Steve looked. "I'm sorry, Steve. I know you loved him."

Steve shook his head and frowned, staring down at his hands. "He was so... _mean_ about it. The things he said to me; I never thought he could have been so..."

Clint snorted. "Let me guess: I bet he made _you_ feel guilty that he slept with some other guy."

Steve nodded. "Maybe I overreacted. I mean, it was one guy one time. Maybe I should give him another chance - "

"Steve, NO," Peggy said with such force that it made both him and Clint jump slightly. "You _do not_ let him make you feel bad for the values you hold dear. You would never have done that to him."

Steve nodded again. "I know," he said softly. He recounted everything Brock had said to them. Peggy was growing angrier by the minute and Steve secretly hoped that Brock would run into her at some point because she would rip him a new one for sure. Brock had always been intimidated by Peggy.

"Wow, that guy really thought highly of himself. What a douche-bag. You definitely don't need someone like that in your life, Steve." Clint nudged his foot again. "It's for the best, man. He would have cheated again." He held up his hands. "And apologies for saying this, but he was an alpha male _asshole_. I never liked the way he acted around you, like he owned you or something. Plus, getting mean like that at the end? He was probably just pissed that _you_ were the one to end it."

Steve rested his head on the back of the couch and stared up at the ceiling. "He called me a twink."

Peggy and Clint were quiet for a beat too long before Steve raised his head and glared at them. They both burst out laughing and he just sighed as Peggy leaned in to hug him and Clint planted sloppy kisses on his feet, laughing as Steve squirmed to get away.

"So you _both_ think I'm a twink? I hate being called a twink!"

Peggy pecked him on the cheek. "But you're _our_ twink."

"I'd fuck you," Clint said and Steve finally laughed. He had the lamest friends.

***

The next five months weren't good for Steve; his self-confidence took a serious nosedive after the break-up. His depression came back and after almost a year without needing to take his medication, he was back on it and feeling like he'd failed himself. Letting Brock get to him the way he had made him angry and upset and his mood went from low to subterranean.

Clint came over and they would sit and watch movies - whatever weird-ass thing Clint was into that week - and he wouldn't try and cheer Steve up, didn't sit and tell him that everything would be okay, that he needed to buck up and bounce back because Clint knew how sometimes all the well-intended words in the world could mean nothing at all when you felt the way Steve did. When his girlfriend Natasha had died, Clint had been in a very bad place for a long time and Steve had just been there for him whenever he needed it, barely speaking a lot of the time, just letting Clint know that he wasn't alone.

One evening when they were in the middle of a John Carpenter marathon, Steve had apologised to Clint for his mood, that breaking up with someone and being down was nothing compared to losing someone the way he had.

"Don't you ever say that," Clint had said, his voice low and firm. "Don't ever apologise for how you feel. Don't ever compare it to something else and make yourself feel worthless for feeling the way that you do. Depression is depression no matter what's happened. And don't ever apologise to me again; you have nothing to be sorry for." Steve had burst into tears and Clint had held him as he cried and eventually fell asleep.

***

Nine months passed and little by little, Steve started to feel more like himself. He was still on the pills and had accepted that he needed the stability they offered at least for now, but he was gaining some of his self-esteem back and finally emerging from the cloud of depression that he had been in for the first time since Brock had left. He went for coffee with Peggy and refused to even consider that the barista had been making eyes at him, finally believing her when he glanced over at the counter and the guy smiled wide and bright at him.

Peggy grinned as she sipped her huge chai latte, her impeccable lipstick barely leaving a mark on the cup. "He's rather dashing."

Steve went pink and stirred his mocha. "He is but I'm not..." He trailed off.

Peggy gave him an understanding smile and reached out to take his hand. "Sometimes it's just nice to know that you're attractive to someone else. You don't have to do anything. Just enjoy for a moment that a very striking man working in a coffee shop smiled at you because he thought you were cute."

Steve squeezed her hand. "Thanks, Peg."

***

Steve put on his nicest shirt - the navy one that made the blue of his eyes stand out - and looked at himself in the mirror. He didn't completely hate the way he looked anymore but he didn't exactly _like_ how he looked and tried to do the thing that Clint had told him to do - to look at himself and find at least one thing to compliment himself on. He looked...nice. That was the best he could do. He hadn't gone _out_ out since breaking up with Brock and was a little nervous about going to a bar again but he wanted to see everyone and he wanted to try and feel good about himself again.

Peggy smiled brightly at him when he answered the door. "Oh Steve, you look lovely! That shirt makes your eyes look amazing."

"Thanks Peggy. You always look great."

"Flattery will get you everywhere. Come on, I have a taxi waiting downstairs."

Steve grabbed his jacket and followed her out into the hallway, locking his front door behind him. "So who's going to be there tonight?"

Peggy looped her arm though his as they walked down the stairs. "You, me, Sam, Jane, Phil, Clint and some guy from Clint's work. It's a very nice bar, not overbearing and they play good music. Everyone is so happy that you're coming out. They can't wait to see you."

They pushed through the front door of Steve's apartment building and climbed into the cab waiting on the curb. Steve fiddled with his hair and looked out of the window, turning when he felt Peggy's hand on his.

"You really are better off without him," she said softly.

Steve nodded. He still thought about Brock but less about the good times they'd had and more about how he had managed to completely tear Steve down in one afternoon.

"I know," he said and smiled at her.

***

The bar was nice with low soft lighting and a pleasant crowd; it wasn't so noisy that they couldn't hear themselves but the music was loud enough to enjoy. Clint pulled Steve into a hug when he came in and Sam and Phil joined in until he laughed and pushed them away. Peggy dragged Sam to the bar and made him buy her a huge ridiculous cocktail. Jane came over and kissed Steve on the cheek, telling him how nice he looked. Steve beamed; it was so great to see them all. They had all gone to college together and were still a tight-knit group. Clint put his arm across Steve's shoulders and smiled at him.

"It feels good to be with everyone again."

Steve rested a hand on Clint's back. "I wish Nat were here."

Clint smiled sadly. "We'll have a few drinks for her." He looked up and brightened as a guy walked over to them from the bathrooms. "Hey, this is my friend Bucky from work. Bucky, this is my best friend, Steve."

Steve blinked and didn't quite know what to do with himself for a moment. "Uh, hello," he finally managed. The guy in front of him was very attractive; huge grey-blue eyes, brown hair that hung just below his jaw and when he smiled at Steve, he thought he was going to implode.

"Hi, nice to meet you. Clint talks about you all the time." Bucky shook Steve's hand.

"Oh? What did he tell you about me?" Steve had never heard Clint mention this guy at all.

Bucky smiled again and there was definitely something flirty about it. "Only the good stuff."

Clint gave Steve a pat on the back. "You want a beer? Bucky? Beer?" He smiled innocently.

"Thanks," Bucky said. Steve just nodded. Clint walked away to the bar with a smirk where Peggy was standing and watching with not-very-well-hidden interest. The others were all conveniently deep in their own conversations.

Steve shoved his hands in his pockets, suddenly feeling awkward and short; Bucky was taller and broader than him and very handsome. "So, you work with Clint?"

"Yep. Got transferred to the same section about three months ago and we kind of hit it off. He's great."

Steve smiled fondly. Clint had done a lot for him, more than he could ever thank him for. "Yeah, he is."

"So what about you? Clint said you're a designer or something?" Bucky looked genuinely interested.

"Kind of. I design educational apps for kids."

Bucky raised an eyebrow. "Wow, that's pretty cool."

Steve shrugged. "I like it. It's fun. I work with a lot of teachers to develop them."

Bucky folded his arms and the corner of his mouth quirked up in a grin. "Smart _and_ cute. Clint was right."

Steve could feel the color rise in his face and was thankful when Clint came back with some drinks.

"Me and Sam are going to play pool. You want in?" he asked them both.

Before Steve could answer, Bucky said, "I think I might just stay here and talk to Steve." He glanced at Steve. "If that's okay with you?"

Steve nodded. "Alright," he said, the pitch of his voice slightly high. This _never_ happened to him; super-hot guys like this never hit on him so blatantly, not since Brock. He suddenly panicked, thinking of how his relationship with Brock had started - meeting like this in a club - and how he had ended up. He forced himself to take a breath. No, Clint would never set him up with someone who was a dick, he was sure of that. Bucky seemed nice and this was his chance to get to know him. He remembered what Peggy had said that time in the coffee place; he didn't have to do anything, it didn't have to go anywhere. He could just enjoy the fact that someone found him attractive. And Steve was pretty sure that Bucky found him attractive.

They sat at a table away from the bar and spoke together and before he knew it, Steve was relaxing and having a great time and enjoying just being himself. Bucky was funny and smart, full of weird little anecdotes that had Steve laughing harder than he'd laughed in a long time. He listened with interest when Steve spoke about his work, asking questions and grinning when Steve got overenthusiastic. They shared a lot of the same tastes in movies and music and while Bucky admitted to not being much of a reader, he listened intently to Steve as he talked about some of his favourite books. Steve liked Bucky a lot; he was confident in a way that Steve wasn't but it didn't make him feel uncomfortable. If anything, it made him want to be more assertive and start taking risks again.

"You know, I haven't had this nice a time with anyone for a long while," Bucky admitted and Steve realised that they had somehow managed to shift closer together as the evening had gone on, turned towards each other with their knees bumping under the table. He also realised that none of the others had come over to disturb them and that this may well have been planned.

Steve smiled shyly. "Really? Um, me too. I uh, haven't been out much the last nine months. My last relationship didn't end well and it's not been...it's not been great."

Bucky's eyes were soft and understanding. "I can sympathise."

"Yeah?"

Bucky chuffed. "Yeah. I was seeing this guy and it was..." He squinted as he considered what to say. "I had been going through a bad patch and got involved with someone and it was mainly physical and - I don't do that, just...get together with people for sex - but I kind of slipped into this...I don't want to call it a relationship because it wasn't even though we were seeing each other for like, three months and the guy was kind of a dick and..." he stopped and gave an embarrassed laugh. "God, I sound like a moron."

Steve shook his head. "You don't."

Bucky gave him an appreciative nod. "So one night we're...y' know, and he's being all weird and I ask him what's wrong and out of nowhere he tells me he just split with his _boyfriend_ and I freaked out because he never _once_ mentioned that he had a boyfriend and I even asked him when we started seeing each other and he said he wasn't involved with anyone, and anyway, it got really messy and it kind of fucked me up a little." He glanced at Steve. "Sorry, that was a bit heavy, maybe."

Something in Steve had been feeling off the more Bucky had talked, some niggling ball of...something...that didn't sit right and it must have shown on his face. He pushed it away. "No, it's okay. That sounds terrible."

Bucky chuckled and it was self-deprecating and insecure. "It was my own fault; it never felt right but I just...needed the attention, I guess? I should have known that someone with that many skull tattoos would be bad news." He took a swig of his beer and froze when he looked at Steve again.

Steve felt like he was in a nightmare. His throat was tight and hot and he felt like the bottom had just fallen out of everything.

"Steve?" Bucky asked, his voice full of concern.

"Did he...the guy you were seeing...did he have those tattoos across his chest and all over his right arm?" Steve's voice was small and he didn't want to hear the answer to his question, he really didn't, but he had to know.

Bucky looked confused for a moment. "Yeah, he did."

Steve could barely meet his eyes. "When you broke it off with him...was it in January?"

A look of horror was slowly dawning on Bucky's face. "Yeah..."

Steve finally choked out the word that had been lodged in his throat. "Brock."

Bucky flinched like he had just been punched in the gut. He looked as sick as Steve felt. "You...you were the boyfriend."

Steve frowned and blinked hard. This couldn't be happening. All this time he had spent trying to get over the break-up, getting over hating himself and it was all crashing down again. Brock had managed to ruin the one good thing that had happened to Steve in nine fucking months. Anger flared up in him; Brock had _lied_ to him - it hadn't been one guy one time, it had been one guy _multiple_ times for _three months_. The anger was suddenly replaced with crushing despair. It hadn't just been any guy; it had been _this_ guy - this funny amazing guy who made Steve feel good and worthwhile and now it was just...it wasn't fair.

Bucky was frantic. "Steve, I had no idea. Really I didn't. Brock he...he didn't tell me. I'm not like that; I'm not that asshole who steals other people's boyfriends. I didn't... _fuck_..." He looked at Steve desperately.

Steve swallowed hard and stood up. "I have to go."

Bucky looked devastated. "Please don't go; I need to...just let me..."

But Steve was already heading for the door, sick and on the verge of tears, needing air because there suddenly wasn't any in the bar. He staggered out onto the street and started to walk, looking around anxiously for a cab and heaving in wet gulps.

"Steve, wait!" It was Clint. He ran up to him and grasped him by the shoulder, concerned. "What is it? What's going on?"

Steve swiped at his eyes. "Bucky was the guy that Brock cheated on me with."

Clint's jaw dropped and he raked a hand through his hair. "What the actual fuck? No, Buck's a good guy, he wouldn't -"

"Brock lied to us both. Bucky didn't realise...but I just...I can't...right now."

"Aw, shit." Clint rested his hands on his hips and closed his eyes. "Look, he's really upset. Can't we just go back in and talk about this?"

Steve finally hailed a cab and it pulled over to the curb. "No, I just want to go home. Tell the others I'm sorry I left. Tell Bucky...that it wasn't his fault. I don't blame him. I'm sorry, Clint." He climbed into the cab before Clint could say anything else.

***

Steve barely slept at all that night, unable to believe how fucked up this all was. It _wasn't_ Bucky's fault, of course it wasn't, but the thought that Brock had slept with him, done the same things with Bucky that he had done with Steve was a new kind of hurt that he hadn't felt before. Clint wouldn't have mentioned Brock to Bucky by name; he may have just mentioned that Steve had ended a relationship some time before but he wouldn't go into detail like that - he was respectful of Steve's privacy. He guessed that Bucky hadn't mentioned Brock by name to Clint either otherwise this wouldn't have happened. Steve felt humiliated no matter which way he looked at it and he tried his best not to let it pull him down, to undo all the good work he'd made getting his depression onto an even keel.

Clint called him the next morning. "Look, I know this has been all kinds of messed up but Bucky really wants to speak to you. He feels terrible. Can I just give him your number?"

"No don't, please Clint. I can't talk to him, not right now. I feel...I feel so fucking _stupid_..."

Clint sounded pained. "Don't do this to yourself, man. Don't let Brock win again. Bucky is a really great guy and he was going through some shit and ended up in a bad place with the wrong person. He really liked you last night and I know you liked him too. Don't throw away what could turn out to be a good thing just because that fucker couldn't keep his dick in his pants."

Clint's choice of words scraped up Steve like fingernails on a blackboard and all he could think of again was Brock and Bucky together. "I need time, Clint. Please. Just let me get my head around this."

"Okay, Steve. Just please think about talking to Bucky? Do that at least." He sighed.

In the following weeks, Steve thought about it but his self-confidence was back down to zero and the longer he left it, the more he knew that he wouldn't be able to face Bucky if he saw him again. He couldn't even bring himself to talk to him on the phone. Clint and Peggy chided him but they knew when to back off and leave him alone. For the most part he just drifted along in a numb haze, working, sleeping and eating.

Steve had been programming a new app all morning, trying to iron out the kinks and sat back, staring at his computer screen. He really needed to get out of the house. He was using his work as an excuse not to be social. He had been trying not to, but he kept thinking that the fact that Bucky had been the guy that Brock was fucking behind his back was some kind of punishment; that there was some big cosmic joke on him. He was also being an idiot, he knew that. It was just dumb bad luck, plain and simple. Steve sighed and closed his eyes.

 _Get up, go for a walk, get some lunch, get outside_ , he told himself and before he could let his brain lock him down and start working again he flipped down the lid of his laptop and got ready to head out.

It was a cold, crisp day and he bundled up in his duffel coat and scarf, freezing but happy that he had left his apartment. It was sunny and the sky was a gorgeous solid blue, unbroken by cloud. He watched his breath plume out in front of him and was considering going to the bookstore when he heard someone shouting.

"Steve! Hey, Steve!"

He turned around and looked and panic rose in him when he saw Bucky on the other side of the street waving frantically at him. Steve considered running and hiding but there was nowhere to go and he couldn't exactly crawl under the car next to him. He stood on the sidewalk waiting and growing more anxious as Bucky ran out into the street, dodging a cab and cursing and giving the finger to a jock in a Toyota who screeched to a halt in front of him. He shifted nervously on his feet as Bucky ran up to him. He was flushed and out of breath and he looked pretty bad; he had a black eye that was a couple of days old at least and a big purple bruise on his left cheek. His lip was split too. He caught his breath and held up his hands.

"Look, I know you don't want to talk to me and I totally understand why." He ran a hand through his mussed hair and seemed to struggle with what to say next. When his eyes met Steve's they were raw and honest. "I'm...I'm so sorry. Before we met that night in the bar, Clint had told me a lot about you; how great you were, what a hard time you'd been through and to think that I had _any_ part in that just makes me feel sick. _Really_ sick. I was really nervous about meeting you and I didn't expect to like you as much as I did. I hate that things ended up this way." He spat out a bitter little laugh. "Brock is the worst thing that's ever happened to me, hands down. I...hope you can forgive me."

Steve stood for a moment just taking in what Bucky had said and suddenly wished that he had talked to him sooner. He was looking at Steve expectantly; his face full of genuine hurt. There was something about him; something that Brock had always lacked and Steve wanted to give him a chance. He felt that Bucky deserved it. Fuck, he felt like _he_ deserved it.

"There's nothing to forgive. It...it wasn't your fault. I'm sorry I reacted the way I did; I just...it was a shock to hear that it was you that Brock - " he looked away for a second. "You couldn't be any more different to him." He scuffed the sidewalk with his sneaker. "I liked you too. That night in the bar. I wanted to speak to you again."

Bucky's face broke into a relieved smile and Steve's heart jumped. "Are you busy? Can I buy you lunch?"

Steve finally smiled back. "Okay."

They walked down the street to a small coffee place and ordered a panini each. As they were waiting for their food, Steve indicated to Bucky's bruises.

"What happened?"

Bucky gave him a smile that was halfway between a grin and a grimace. "I, uh, I ran into Brock at the gym the other day and I beat the shit out of him. He kind of beat the shit out of me too but I can say conclusively that he definitely came out the worst of the two of us."

Although hearing Brock's name made Steve's stomach curdle, he felt his mouth pull up into a smile. "Really? You...you did that?"

Bucky nodded and Steve could see that while he wasn't exactly proud of his actions, he seemed happy that Steve was pleased. "Uh-huh. He gave me this smug look and got right in my face when I tried to ignore him and I suddenly thought of you and what he'd done to us both and I just saw red and punched him straight in the nose. I had like a second to enjoy the shock and surprise on his face before he punched me back but it was fucking worth it. We both got thrown out and banned from the gym but I can't say that I care all that much."

He glanced up in astonishment as Steve started to laugh loud and uninhibited, not giving a shit at the curious looks the other customers gave him. He laughed until tears were running down his face and Bucky couldn't help but laugh with him. Steve wasn't a fan of violence but the thought of Brock coming off worse in a fight with a guy that was slightly smaller and less built than him had him in hysterics for some reason. And Bucky had pretty much admitted to doing it for Steve, which really shouldn't have turned him on as much as it did either.

He finally calmed down and smiled at Bucky. "I think you just became my new favorite person."

***

"So, what happened? Come on, Steve!" Peggy said a week later, sounding way too excited.

Steve chuckled down the phone. "We kissed and he went home. It was nice."

"What? That's it?" She huffed down the phone.

"It was our first date! What did you think was going to happen?"

"Oh, I don't know, some over-the-clothes fumbling perhaps?"

Steve pinched the bridge of his nose. "One, you should know me better than that. Two, Bucky is a total gentleman. Three, I'm happy to take this slow and so is he."

Peggy clucked her tongue at him. "All I want is for my friend to have some unbridled passion in his love-life. Does that make me a horrible person? I think not. I also need something good to tell Clint because you won't tell him anything."

Steve laughed. "That's because there's nothing to tell yet! I'm sure there will be passion. I mean, I _hope_ there will be. Whatever happens, at the moment it feels right."

"Alright, all joking aside - I'm so happy for you. He seems like a lovely chap."

Steve smiled as he remembered the way Bucky had gently held the sides of his face while he kissed him. "He really is."

***

Taking it slow really _did_ turn out to be taking it slow - a snails pace of slowness, in fact. But Steve didn't really care and neither did Bucky. Given the fucked-upness of their previous relationships - with the same guy - they were both happy to just spend time getting to know each other and little by little, some of the rot that Brock had left behind started to mend and fade. Steve still woke in the middle of the night in a panic, wondering if somehow he would manage to screw up what he had with Bucky, but the feeling would be gone as soon as he would meet up with him next and he could see how much Bucky adored him. Although it was second nature for Steve to put himself down and counteract any positive thought with a negative, he worked hard not to do it anymore and let himself be adored.

***

Steve finished brushing his teeth and spat into the sink, rinsing his mouth. When he looked up into the bathroom mirror, Bucky was leaning in the doorway, watching him with that peaceful little grin that Steve liked so much.

"What are you grinning at, you goon?" Steve said playfully.

Bucky walked over to him and pressed himself to Steve's back, wrapping his arms around his waist. He kissed him softly on the neck. "Just trying to figure out what I did to land a swell guy like you, is all."

Steve laughed and leaned into Bucky, resting his hands over his. "I'm swell am I?"

Bucky smiled again and nuzzled his nose behind Steve's ear. "Swellest guy ever."

Steve looked in the bathroom mirror and was pleased with the smile that was on his own face. He looked happy. He turned around and leaned up to kiss Bucky, enjoying the way he rested his hands lightly on Steve's hips.

"It's been a good year," he said when they pulled away, thinking of how he was in the best place he'd ever been with his depression and was taking his anti-depressants few and far between. It had been hard and it still would be, but Bucky was a steady supportive presence for him.

Bucky smiled wide, running his hands up Steve's back. "It's been a great year. Best year I've had in a long time. But then none of my other years had you in them."

Steve tucked a stray strand of Bucky's brown hair behind his ear. "You're kind of awesome. Did I tell you that?"

"About a million times. But I could stand to hear it a few more."

They grinned at each other again before turning out the bathroom light and heading to bed.


End file.
